Carpe Diem

I took six vacation days and with my husband went to visit our daughter and her family in Florida. They had moved there only a few months ago. I was wondering how we would like it because the first and only time we had visited Florida we liked nothing about it. All we saw was “old” people playing shuffle board. In defense of my ignorance I must tell you that I do not recall the year of our visit but having been interested in purchasing an Audi, they cost a glorious $12,500.—at that time, will attest that it was many years ago.

Well, this time was very different. We loved it, seeing my family of course, how happy they were, the sun, the houses the pool, the very friendly people – it was almost scary, everyone on the road smiled and gave some kind of greeting. We enjoyed encountering the bicyclists, the golfers, boaters, the grocery stores’ personnel. Could it be that they didn’t suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? Can’t be, they, too, had a very harsh winter; a different life style perhaps? It seems that every country has a south where the pace of living is different. Floridian life style appeared definitely different from our frenetic way of being on the East coast – at least from my perspective and experience.

Personal Reflections

Unfortunately, I had only one glorious day basking in the sunshine and sight seeing. Then I began to be very ill for the rest of the time and was fortunate to be able to travel on the plane to return home. I must add that even the treating M.D. and nurses were sweethearts.

As a result of this unwelcome interruption of our plans, I had lots of time to reflect on how I was living my life and the frailty of being human. Fritz Perls, the co-creator of Gestalt Therapy once wrote that if you want to know how a person lives life, just observe them eating a meal. Well, even at my age of 77, I still eat and drink fast, one might even say gulp at times, I work long hours and I prefer to have things done yesterday.

It’s not all bad, however, I love life and everything in nature, I am curious about everything, I can lose myself listening to opera and classical music, enjoy theater, gardening, and savor my time being with family and friends; but for the most part I am on automatic pilot. I asked myself is it out of habit, to avoid experiencing restlessness, is it because I have a passion for living and for my work and I can’t – won’t let go? Or, is it possible that this is simply who I am? What is of value to me is that I have choices here; it would be unfair to put responsibility on anything or anyone. So the question is how do I stop myself doing what would be more healthful. Perhaps much of it is habits?

Habits are a funny thing. They certainly can make life easier as we can’t possibly reflect on everything prior to doing it. But many times, I have the impression that the habits have us. It’s certainly devilishly difficult to change them, especially if, after much reflection, we discover that they actually serve a purpose or evolved and developed from something innocent that once worked. Brushing my teeth three times a day – or more – doesn’t get in the way, working twelve hours a day, I discovered in my meanderings, really does. Consider my Mother’s admonishments in the prayer book she gave me with much love in her heart when I left for America as an innocent 18 year old – “Arbeite und Bete” – work and pray. It is certainly the German way. Perhaps I followed this advice because, because, because? Nonsense! It’s my task to figure it out and change it to what? That’s the exciting prospect – oh, the possibilities. We’ll discuss more about habits in the next few newsletters.

So, how about you?

Do you have habits you do not like? Silly question perhaps because we all have them. I would encourage you to choose one, not a particularly troublesome one and

* Write it down and give it some thought
* Don’t change anything yet
* Ask yourself what possibilities you see replacing the habit
* Notice your body posture and visceral experience as you are contemplating this
* Don’t do any more for now, simply raise your awareness