Couples Coaching

“If people chose partners by what they are
rather than what they think they are,
there wouldn’t be any deals.
That hopefulness is what makes a deal”.
—Elvin Semrad, MD

Most relationships begin with good intentions, loving, exiting, and hopeful with lovely dreams. However, in time, even the best of relationships have a tendency to lose the easy confluence that is part of falling in love and some discords may emerge that are natural attempts for the couple to assert their individual selves as well as their relationship needs. These troublesome interferences are actually part of healthy systemic development necessary for the growth of the relationship. There may emerge infidelity issues, money problems, work-related long-distance separations, issues with mutual friends or, they may simply want to find a way to communicate more effectively.

Relationship coaching is designed to assist these otherwise healthy and functional couples to regain their relational balance and move forward to re-discover the life they had once imagined or now want.

How will I assist a relationship?

  • I request that each individual take a free VIA assessment from a web site to determine their individual strengths and values
  • I inquire what is and has been working well for both
  • I am interested what they like about each other
  • I have them define what specifically is missing for them
  • I have each fill out some questionnaires separately

As someone who has been married for more than 55 years, I can empathize with evolutionary struggles or present-centered needs to make changes and know that there is no simple answer or solution, only a hope that change is possible. Letting go of old family myths, review out dated dreams, learn constructive, non-blaming communication and respect differences in points of view without personalizing are some of the many possibilities available to couples throughout the coaching process.

My focus as a Relationship Coach (with variations):

  • I will interview the couple for appropriateness of coaching
  • I will explain my approach to coaching them
  • I will stress that I do not keep secrets from one to the other
  • I will assess the individual questionnaires speak to each one of them separately to assure my understanding of their written material
  • I will listen to suggestions the individual has in response to my questions regarding their assessment
  • I will meet with the couple together and have them process what each brought to the assessments and what they want to do about it
  • I will attempt to refrain negatives to positives if and when appropriate
  • I will then have the couple design a mutual vision and a mission to accomplish what they intended to gain from coaching

These are some of the ways that I practice. There are, of course variations between the couples but at all times the relationship is the client not the individual. The goal is always to respect individual differences between the couple so that two independent, solid “Is” learn to co-exist joyfully and can become a situation-appropriate “we” and “us” in relationship.

Time:

Coaching sessions vary from 1 hour to 90 minutes

Fee:

$150.—per 55-minute session
$585.—for four 55-minute sessions per calendar month
$210.—per 90-minute session
$400.—for two 90-minute sessions

Health Insurance:

Health insurances do not cover coaching services.

Comments from Couples

“Helga is an incredible relationship coach. She was able to coach us in only 8 months to stabilize our relationship and explore the function of my alcohol abuse. Sean had been ready to leave me and our three children and now we have learned to communicate honestly and express our feelings in a healthy way.

Helga was kind, patient, and direct, sometimes even a bit edgy. She made us work hard; exploring what worked, what didn’t work, and helped us both appreciate each other more. We had the most amazing experience when Helga made us turn away from each other while having an angry conversation – we couldn’t, we just began laughing. Another little trick she taught us was to sit close to each other when we were happy or mad and coordinate our breathing rate. That was incredible; now we both decided to take a minute every night and coordinate our breathing together in a healthy way to end the day. It works for us and my fear of using alcohol to calm myself is not an option anymore! We can only send you a non-bubbly toast to a job well done. Thank you, Helga.”

Sean and Angela G., Connecticut