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Gestalting YOUR Day - Thanksgiving 2009

Fall came late this year. After a disappointing and very moody summer, fall surprised us with a gloriously warm and sunny experience, even seducing some Rhododendrons into blooming two seasons ahead of time. The woods were ablaze in a riot of colors as they were coming to the end of their life cycle with glory and joy. Still, as expected, white, sparkling frost eventually covered the gardens and lawns and encouraged the trees to shed their leaves in preparation for a peaceful winter’s sleep. In contrast to this pastoral letting go, the birds, squirrels, deer, and wild turkeys in our woods are in a frenzy gathering and securing morsels of food and nibbling greedily on leftover flower seeds for the harsh winter months. (Oh, how our Sir Duffy delighted in rolling in the Turkey’s ‘fragrant’ droppings and how we wished we could loose our sense of smell until after his bath.)  Such are the gifts of nature.

Thanksgiving is here once again - and - time for personal reflection.

I remember my first Thanksgiving in the United States. My hosts had cooked what I considered a monstrosity of a bird - kind of how I perceived everything in the US at that time, unreal and overwhelming. I remember eating a whole drumstick, and lots of other new things that tantalized my taste buds i.e. cranberry sauce, pumpkin (ugh) pies and eggnog. Yes, a dainty eater I was not and reflecting today on my voracious appetite and consumption of food, I can just envision Miss Manner’s looks of disdain! Yet, I behaved pretty similar to how I described the behavior of the birds and wildlife as they hoarded whatever they could, for tomorrow there may not be another feast, or just plain food for that matter. How reassuring that we creatures seem to have more similarities than differences.

Sadly, for many people in this world, starving is still a way of life, as is war, unnecessary deaths, and cruelty. And sadly, we all participate and must take some responsibility for co-creating and maintaining the injustices in small and bigger ways, perhaps unaware of our own contribution and responsibility. Yet, somewhat contradicting myself, I can think of no other country in the world where its citizens are also as generous in response to human needs as they are in the US and who feel moved to give out of a deeply felt place of compassion and human caring.  

Giving thanks can take on many forms. For me, initially, giving had been out of a sense of joy of being able to give in gratitude and a generous heart. Eventually, however, I had become driven; giving had become in response to my own survivor’s guilt and shame for being alive and well when others did not. Joyful giving was replaced by compulsive, joyless, a more is better attitude, while fully realizing that I can never give enough to justify my survival. Giving had become all about me. Thankfully, my mentor and supervisor at the time, Sonia Nevis, assisted me to reconnect my giving to an expression of my deeply held values of love and caring for human beings and wanting to make a difference in the world. She helped me realize that I need not feel guilty or feel ashamed for being alive and well but rather to be thankful that I was “lucky” to have survived while others sadly did not. Surviving really had nothing to do with me. Her gentle wisdom impacted me deeply and I humbly assimilated her perspective of my integral smallness into the larger schema of life. Giving had again become joyful. It’s as though the “I” is taken out of the picture and replaced by SOUL. Thank you again, Sonia.

I am blessed and lucky indeed; I have so much to be grateful for. I am blessed with good health, curiosity, and joy in feeling alive. I have boundless energy and love for all of life. I am grateful to my parents for being good role models in times of adversity, the ugly historic times for forging me into whom I am today. AND I feel gratitude for my wonderful husband, children, and grandchildren who are eager and willing to share my love with them and put up with my frailties; I am grateful to all my teachers, friends, clients, colleagues and trainees. I thank you for your trust in me as you are sharing  your life with me. While realizing that life brings changes for all of us and those relationships come and go, you will always live in my heart.

So, How about You?

Some years ago I had the privilege of graduating from Martin Seligman’s Authentic Happiness Coaching Program. I learned much about living a better and more fulfilled life and would like to share with you some ideas about practicing thankfulness and gratitude. Please visit the www.authentichappiness.com website and take the Gratitude Survey to give you a sense of where you stand in this area; don’t be concerned, it’s totally non-judgmental and not a test. Then consider the following exercise. It’s a pretty big deal, so get ready.

• Think of someone – friend, family, teacher who has had impact on your life but you have never really specifically expressed your gratitude to them.
• If you want to write a letter, simply relate in specifics how thankful and grateful you are for their contribution. You can mail or read the letter to them.
• You may want to meet over a cup of coffee, revisit the impact s/he had on you.
• As you are contemplating the above, tune into your sensations, feelings, and become curious about your comfort level. Shy, uncomfortable, self-conscious?
• If you accomplished any of the above, how did the recipient of your gratitude react to you? How did you both feel after the experience?

If any of the above is too difficult for you, would you be interested starting a tradition of telling stories around the i.e. Thanksgiving dinner table, stories that make you, your family special and are worthy of celebration?

I would be curious to learn if any of you actually made such an experience happen and what positive impact you had on each other. Send me an email to helga@gestaltri.com.

“Silent Gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” G.B. Stern

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought and that gratitude is doubled over.” G.K. Chesteron

“Gratitude is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will never be happy – because we will always want to have something else or something more.” Brother David Steindl-Rest

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” Cicero

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was “Thank you” that would suffice.” Meister Eckhart

Seligman E.P. Ph.D. (2002) Authentic Happiness. Free Press. New York