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Gestalting YOUR Day

Love and Valentine’s Day

I am painfully aware that I am late with my newsletter, especially since I pride myself being notoriously punctual. Quite frankly, I couldn’t settle down to any one thread when I was reflecting on the meaning of Love and Valentine’s Day that I felt comfortable pursuing. Then, however, I realized that I am like most people not having a clear definition of either. There are simply too many - so “let me count the ways”.

Personal Reflections:

When asked about the meaning of love many people freely explain what they love: a good cup of coffee in the morning, a car, sunshine, good food, diamonds, a good drink, some will even admit to a good high (illegal substances) – all of these likes are short-lived, inconsequential pleasurable experiences (except the drugs, of course). On a more elevated level, people love their partner(s) if…, their kids most of the time, and enough money to create a good life for and with the family. Yes, all of these things are great, yet:

Like everything in life, the concept of pure love has its polarity – unmitigated hatred. We can feel deep love for ourselves, for other human beings and live it in a truly meaningful, spiritual way. Or we can love an idea, a religion; causes also perceived as spiritual by same-minded people - and are willing to kill for it. And of course, there are shades of gray in either direction. What is crucial to realize, even accept as part of our human condition, is that we all live these polarities to a greater or lesser extent on a daily basis.

We are born with an inherent need for love. We are programmed for this need as a sheer matter of survival. Yes, without some form of love we could die or become emotionally crippled for life. Personally, as parents, I/we have been joyfully part of our four children’s development (and eleven grandchildren) from being lustily crying infants demanding food and loving care, and, sometimes less patiently, available to head-strong two-year olds with temper tantrums. Yet slowly they flourished as boys and girls. Sometimes we were wondering if they or we would ever live through their adolescence. Each in their own way, became the most incredible adults, loving, caring, and successful, all in the service of and in connection with human kind. Still, one need not have children to gain results of a love-filled existence; there are many such processes that attest both to living love and to the human frailties inherent in this process.

As a coach and therapist, I have come to appreciate the influence of loving memories on my clients - well-meaning and flawed as they may have been vs. their absence. Invariably, these experiences coupled with a child’s unique character attributes (crucial factors in co-creating relationships), become the markers for forming healthy, loving relationships as adults. How, you may ask, after the devastating effects when love is absent?  There is no one answer. It often takes only one individual along the way to change it all. And last but not least, there is Forgiveness, the most powerful antidote to a painful adult life (that’s a topic for another newsletter).

Finally, last but not least – the topic of Valentine’s Day. Yes, celebrating a day of love is fun especially in the depth of a gray winter (for us). Cultures have certainly held on to various kinds of remembrances dating back to the first century A.D. And, at present, it also boosts our economy. But is it love? Does it prove anything? While the answer is certainly an individual one, my personal opinion is no! Rather this inherent human yearning for love evidences the indispensible need for living love on a daily basis.

You may believe that I am a grouch; to the contrary. I have a strong positive belief in human nature and our spiritual loving self no matter how imperfectly we may express it or in spite of what injustices and wars go on in the world; we simply have to remind ourselves on a daily basis lest we become disillusioned, unloving or cynical.

So what about you?

Only you will know if you are living love. No doubt, you are expressing your unique loving self at different times with greater or lesser success. The point here is that you have the opportunity to raise your awareness to the countless possibilities that present themselves on a daily basis. Even if you are having an off day, practicing loving kindness will automatically brighten not only your day but that of others’ as well. You may consider to:

• Smile more often at others or at yourself; it’s difficult to be unloving with a smiling face
• Add $1.—to your grocery bill for the less privileged
• Make a phone call to someone you know tends to be lonely; that takes a bit more effort perhaps
• Consciously recycle; yes, that’s loving your earth
• Care, UNICEF or other charities are pleased to accept pennies, they all add up
• Be kind to your partner even though it would feel good in the moment not to
• Give family members a hug just because….
• Practice gratitude and forgiveness

You are probably already doing the above and most likely more.
In that case I want to congratulate you and encourage you to
keep living LOVE every day!

“Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.” Bible

“In this world Hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate, ancient and inexhaustible.” Buddha

“No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.” Aesop

“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.” Carl Sagan

“The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.” Victor Hugo

Buscaglia, Leo F. (1992). BORN FOR LOVE.  Random House, Inc. NJ. Published in the United States.

Pearsall, Paul, Phd. (1998) The Heart’s Code. Tapping the Wisdom and Power of Our Heart Energy. Broadway Books, Random House, NY.

Weil, Andrew MD (1997) 8 meditations for optimum health. CD

For All Addiction, Mental Health Professionals/Coaches

F.r.e.e one-hour Introductory Teleclass
February 24, 2010; 12 noon – 1 PM

Beyond Recovery Program Training

Becoming sober after years of substance use/abuse is cause for celebration. However, statistics confront every Addiction/Mental Health Professional or Coach with the reality of statistically significant relapse into use of addictive substances, over-eating, gambling etc. Must relapse really happen? We do not believe so and the Beyond-Recovery program has been attesting to that hopeful reality.

So what is missing in treatment or coaching beyond sobriety that could possibly assist the sober client to live in peace realizing that he is a human being who lives with purpose and not that once an addict he will always be an addict?

The Beyond Recovery Training program introduces Addiction/Mental Health Professionals and Coaches to assist recovering clients to re-claim their uniqueness and shape a thriving future in the process of fulfilling their potential as human beings according to their individual values and wants.

In this free one-hour teleclass you will be introduced to an overview of the Beyond-Recovery Process Model:

“Coaching the Addiction-Recovered Client
to full Potential”©

You will learn the phases for the twelve sessions model resulting in reduction of relapse and creating a life the client is purposed to live and

1. there is more than meets the eye to the addiction/recovery and beyond processes
2. the miracle of healthful life-long adaptations to life difficulties are based on strengths (P.P.)
3. the Growth Process Affirmations (GPA) ™ are applied to individual needs
4. new skills can realize an individual’s beyond-recovery vision
5. the Bodymind/Emotions/Spirit/Experience is one inseparable unit of function
6. finishing unfinished business is possible creating the “good life”
7. the issue of choice, personal response-ability and action is a co-creation of experience
8. using Gestalt Principles to create lasting change.
9. active class participation is invited; questions and answers.

This workshop covers weekly progressive instructions and homework which is not mandatory but highly recommended. You may also participate on an on-line message group where you can discuss the material of the class or practice concepts.

Reserve Your Spot Today For This F.R.E.E Teleclass!